Thursday, May 20, 2010
Deathit's quite disturbing for me to search for pets cremation services; because death, is a taboo issue - personal fable and the period of attainments for us, makes it so.
it starts to get scary when i'm home alone, because it leaves time to think, about the inevitable.
Hazel's sleeping most of the time, and she sleeps while falling on the ground.
she never gets a good sleep because she'll be up gasping for air after sometime.
though it makes me wonder if i've been a good owner,
it struck me that her situation now is all my fault.
i checked her gums and they were purple - not a very good sign. because oxygen is not circulated properly. and her tongue gets purple at times.
when she wakes up at a sudden gasping for air, i always try to call her name loud to get her back, because i'm afraid she might just leave.
Mocha just had her surgery done, and yes, those were cancer tumors. means they'll be in the future, if unfortunate. again, yes it's my fault, for dragging her sterilisation op for so damn long, until she's 8years old. she's not eating much, and that can be a potential problem; according to the vet. so i'm just feeding her all the treats now so she can be happy and eat.
well, thats not all.
it's bad news for my grandfather. stage 4 of lung cancer, and no, he doesn't know that he has less than (some time) to live. well, i have not treated him nicely after some events and no i don't know how to express concern.
i haven't dealt with death in my, coming 22 years, and
it's scary to be home, alone.
i just want to get out.
why do we look back at the past,
wishing we could relive those memories,
instead of doing something constructive,
we live day by day, dreaming of striking it big.
yet, to those whose time are near,
sadly, a future may seem impossible,
and i wonder how they could embrace the fact,
or even choose to face
it, without fear.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
mocha's got cancer? boo.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
mocha's turn; surgery next week......
hazel's heart getting bad; she's having seizures ):
so insecure =/
